we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
