"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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