matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
