I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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