ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This toilet bowl is my home.
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