you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
