Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
