you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
