Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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