Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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