I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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