I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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