eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
