Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Dignity is for republicans.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
