I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
