i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
