Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
