I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
