My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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