So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How naked do you want me to be?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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