The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
