You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
