got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
