I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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