Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
