DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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