so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
