I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
