You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
