a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
