i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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