she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
