dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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