i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
