I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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