Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
