I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
