just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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