Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
