my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
