So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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