Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
