Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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