how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
