So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Terrible idea I love it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
