good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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