So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
