Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
