24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
