man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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