im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
