wanna go halves on a baby?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
