you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
