Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
