How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
